Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you never un-have a 4some
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
