What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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