Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
