Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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