HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
