He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
