I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize