So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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