i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
