When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
