mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.