Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.