fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.