he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.