McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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