Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
