i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
