Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
