I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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