I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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