I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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