You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
