closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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