she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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