youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
