YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
