Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
