I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
