That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
