Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
