we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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