We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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