You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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