Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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