uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
