i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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