What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
