I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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