bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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