Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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