So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
