You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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