So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My ass is underappreciated
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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