that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
