made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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