yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
is it fun? or sober?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
