happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just invented taco cereal.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
