the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
