oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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