Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize