my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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