The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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