R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
