brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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