I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
