I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
