There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
