it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
