You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
