Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

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(806): View more from Texas

You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

(1-806): View more from Texas

Best pick-up line ever!

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(765): View more from Indiana

He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.

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(703): View more from Virginia

high in an attic. pig roast in 10.

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(303): View more from Colorado

she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.

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(785): View more from Kansas

sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time

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(503): View more from Oregon

I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?

(1-503): View more from Oregon

yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.

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(309): View more from Illinois

One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work

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(+52): View more from Mexico

I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night

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