well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
