New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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