My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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