I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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