I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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